Navigating The Stormy Seas of Loss
08/21/12 Categories: Family
Grief and love are cojoined. You don't get one without the other.
It was the middle of the afternoon on Sunday, when unexpectedly, the phone rang. As I picked up the receiver, I noticed on the caller ID that it was my youngest sister, Debi, but the voice on the other end of the phone was strangely garbled and filled with so much emotion that at first, I couldn’t understand what she was saying. I was already puzzled by the call since I had spoken with her earlier, and then I was absolutely stunned to hear her say, “Our sister Trudy died today.”
I would like to say that I never saw it coming, but that would not be true. Just 11 days earlier my daughter and I had enjoyed a leisurely chat with my sister Trudy outdoors at the local Caribou Coffee. Both women had the dubious blessing of sharing the experience of chemo, but Trudy’s markers were less than half of what they had been and we were all optimistic that day.
There was no reason to be negative in the slightest. But as I left the coffee shop, I ‘heard’ that soft intuitive voice say “This is the last time you will see your sister.” That’s not what I want to hear, I told myself, and I won’t listen to such garbage. And I just pushed the thought out of my mind.
A little over a week later Trudy had a surgery to unblock a bile duct that was causing more than a little discomfort and pain. The surgery was successful and then – her heart just stopped.
We were eight siblings in all and we each knew Trudy in our own unique way. As the third child in the family, true to ordinal theory, she embodied unity and for many of us she truly became the glue that held divergent parts and personalities together.
We remember her for her sense of humor, her devotion to her family, and for the many selfless acts of giving to her community, to her husband, and to her children and grandchildren. Most of all we came to appreciate the steadiness that she was to each of us individually.
As adults it also became clear to many of us siblings that Trudy was a repository of memories long forgotten. Except for her acute ability to see them accurately and clearly in her mind’s eye, we may have forgotten many of the priceless and precious moments that made up the richness of so many of the shared childhood experiences.
Trudy had a special gift of listening as well. She knew how to be a sounding board, a mirror and a container for whatever was troubling a person. She patiently listened, validated, and held the space for healing to occur no matter how far any of us wandered from the truth; the truth that people, no matter how broken, hurt, or wounded they are, deserve unconditional love and regard. She loved ferociously.
She validated and acknowledged both pains and joys. She saw both sides of the torn cloth with eyes that mended and made them whole. I loved her for that!
Trudy wasn't given to speaking out of turn, or grabbing the spotlight. But she wasn’t shy or without her strong opinions. People may have called her a pleaser, but in truth she was pleasing herself by giving all that she had to give and then some.
Her leaving us so soon, before we were truly ready to let her go, has left a huge gaping hole in our hearts. But rest assured, the memory of her deeds and actions will be a salve to repair.
I pray that her memory will always be for a blessing in each of our hearts and lives, and that we will follow her example of steadiness, equanimity, and courage with a new aliveness and consciousness in her honor.
“My sister will die over and over again for the rest of my life. Grief is forever. It doesn't go away; it becomes a part of you, step for step, breath for breath. I will never stop grieving Bailey because I will never stop loving her. That's just how it is. Grief and love are cojoined, you don't get one without the other. All I can do is love her, and love the world, emulate her by living with daring and spirit and joy.” ― Jandy Nelson, The Sky Is Everywhere
Ready for powerful change? Transformation?
Rachel offers one of the most life-changing, transformative and empowering opportunities available in the coaching field today. All areas of your life will be positively affected. More confidence, an improved sense of well-being, a quieter mind, a healthier body, and better balance in the areas of your life that matter most. Gentle energy techniques create change quickly and efficiently, and provide the expanded consciousness and insightful self-knowledge to empower you to exuberant action and creativity.
Click the link below to download the questionnaire for Rachel’s Complimentary Strategy Session. Upon receipt of your completed questionnaire, we’ll contact you to schedule your complimentary 60-minute strategy session.
Comp Session Questionnaire
