It’s Not My Dog!

Five Keys to Harmonious Relationships During the Holiday Season
or Anytime at All

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A good friend of mine told me a story recently about his experience with his adult children. You see, they brought home a puppy and he started to take control of training that puppy. He thought about that puppy and everything that would make training the puppy easier and more efficient. He read up on obedience training, on dog whispering. He became entirely obsessed with creating the perfect dog. And then one day he realized “It’s not MY dog!” The light went on and he realized that he was expending all this energy on something that had nothing at all to do with him or with his life. It wasn’t his responsibility.

What are you focusing your energy on during these busy days of the holiday season? What is really worthy of receiving your life force, your energy and your focused attention?

You know, we all have a tendency to take care of someone else’s dog. If things get uncomfortable around us, we feel compelled to fix, to control and alleviate the icky feelings welling up inside. And we do so without ever realizing that whatever is making us uncomfortable, doesn’t even belong to us.

So here are five easy keys to help you experience more freedom, more ease and joy in your relationship with yourself and others this holiday season and far beyond.

1) Practice Conscious Awareness

Become super aware of your own energy, your feelings and thoughts. Sometimes you just don’t stop to notice that you’re not feeling comfortable. If you just stop, breathe and notice what you are feeling, this will go a long way toward solving the situation that is putting pressure on you.

2) Affirm Your Own Feelings

Take time during the holidays to notice if you are feeling sad, jealous, left out, or angry. All of your feelings are okay. Really, they are. Feelings are simply energy in motion and when this energy is noticed, named and allowed to be, it will just naturally keep on flowing like a river. Beware, however, that if you don’t pay attention to your feelings, if you stuff your feelings, that energy may become a volcano and erupt when you need it the least.

3) Notice What Doesn’t Belong to You

Sometimes when I’m in a group or with family, someone is feeling out of sorts. For those of you who know me well, you know that I’m an empath and I feel the energy states of those around me. It doesn’t matter if they are thousands of miles away or in the same room. I’m going to be feeling the energy, too. As soon as I become aware that it’s not mine and I acknowledge it, the uncomfortable feeling will lift and leave. Try it. We are all energy receivers. We resonate with the energies around us, but we don’t have to take on anyone else’s energy and carry it.

4) Don’t Take Responsibility for Things That Don’t Belong to You

If the dog isn’t yours, don’t take care of it! How much of what belongs to other members of your family are you taking responsibility for? I know both women and men who routinely take on things that belong to others in the family. Whose job is it to remember to wear a warm coat, to write the thank you note, to pay the mortgage? If you do it for them, how will they ever learn to take responsibility for themselves? If you think that you do the job better than they do, you will take it on. And if you take it all on yourself, you will soon feel tired and resentful. Why take it on in the first place? Let it go. It’s not your dog!

5) Stop Returning Love for Abusive Behavior

I have seen this over and over again. Someone in the family becomes abusive and rude, so Mom makes Johnnie’s favorite meal. What’s wrong with this picture? Why reward bad behavior? Yes, I know, the ‘giver’ in this scenario thinks that they are making the situation better, but it’s not true. You are just teaching this turbulent soul that whenever they are in a bad mood they will get all the good stuff! That’s the definition of crazy!


During this holiday season, or just anytime at all, please remember that it’s not your job to make everyone happy. Remember that you have a responsibility first of all to take good care of yourself and to get your own needs met before you take on the worries of the whole world. Your needs are important, and your feelings are a strong message for you that concern the well-being of your body, your nervous system and your health. It’s your responsibility to take care of you and the things that belong to you, and let the other members of your family take care of the things that belong to them. After all, it’s not your dog!

Blessings to you this holiday season for more and more freedom, for ease and joy.

Happy holidays,

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