It’s a Dark, Dark Morning
When all I can see are my failures.
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I awoke with the light of day, while still buried deeply in an unfamiliar weight of darkness. With the memory of what you said to me, waves of grief come crashing down, filling up my eyes with tears, hurt crushing my heart so that I can hardly breathe. I find myself clenching my jaw until it hurts; shoulders tight, stomach tied up in a knot, and all of this because of the memory of what you said.
Those words become a persistent thought, like glue, that refuses to leave the forefront of my consciousness. The cruel things you said from within your pain, from your anger and your struggle for survival, those words became the cruel piercing sword that ripped a raw and oozing hole right through my heart.
Words are ‘things.’ Words are energy entities who take wing, flying toward their purpose, building up or tearing down. It matters little to the energy intelligences we unconsciously or unintentionally create.
I feel so terribly sad because the words that haunt me today sully your beautiful memory, the memory of us, the memories of all of the good moments in the many years of our relationship. Those words form a black and sticky dark cloud over every beautiful memory and thought of you.
I can’t say that you ‘didn’t mean what you said.’ You certainly spoke from your story, from your hurt and pain. In your story, I failed you and you let me know with powerful and final proclamations.
I wish you hadn’t said those words, I wish I could forget them. I hope that I’m strong enough to assign every cruel word finally and forever to oblivion.
Each evening before I sleep, I speak those ancient words of prayer: “I forgive and pardon everyone who has angered me or irritated me, or has sinned against me, or my body, or my honor, or my money, or anything else that is mine, whether they did so intentionally or by mistake, whether through speech or action, or whether in this incarnation or any other life time.”
I create my own words now, powerful and intentional words of exoneration. Because of love, I forgive you.
Because of my undying love for you, and with G-d’s help, I will take it upon myself to destroy and uncreate those words containing every elemental entity of cruelty and unforgiving judgment. I will do it for me and I will do it for you. I will do this in honor of your beautiful memory.
Blessings,
Copyright 2019 © by Rachel L. Neumann of Your Pathway to Empowerment. All rights reserved. You may quote, copy, translate and link to this article in its entirety as long as you credit Rachel L. Neumann, the author by name, and include a working link back to this web page. All other uses are strictly prohibited.
